


Happy Accident???

by Skippyjo94



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Choking, Couch Sex, Dissociation, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Face-Fucking, Hair-pulling, Happy Ending, Lube, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mind Break, No Lube, Spit As Lube, Then they get real, for part of it, safeword, super strength, too rough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:07:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skippyjo94/pseuds/Skippyjo94
Summary: Bucky still had good days and bad days.  Everyone had them, of course, he would probably never escape them entirely.  His 'bad' just tended to be worse than the average person.Peter knew how to deal with most of the Bad Days.  He just didn't know this was a different kind and it backfires quite spectacularly.  You know, the usual.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peter Parker
Comments: 16
Kudos: 120





	Happy Accident???

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my original attempt for a kinkmas fic in one of the discord servers I belong to. I had never written this pairing before, nor have I read a lot of them together, so I felt very insecure about how it turned out. After some distance (a month) away from it, I finally edited and got it worked around so I think it's pretty good, especially for a first attempt.
> 
> My prompts were "mind break" and "too rough" and I ended up posting a Spiderio fic for it instead. But I wanted to post this too cause I like it and it was all written and everything, so...
> 
> Here ya go! Hope it passes!
> 
> Trigger warning, sorta- Dubcon elements relating to mind break. If you need to know cause you're concerned, the end notes walk you through what happens so you can decide if it's safe or not.

They had just gotten back from a mission that had gone poorly. They had been operating off incorrect data, leaving everyone just generally out of sorts, communication was lacking, and it all just went to shit rather quickly.

Peter still felt a bit out of place on Avenger missions, and he knew Bucky was a bit lost trying to function on his own still. It was part of what they initially bonded over. One thing turned into another and before they knew it, they had formed their own little tentative relationship.

Tentative had morphed into pretty solid, then, even more suddenly, into pretty serious. Peter didn't  _ technically _ live with Bucky, but it really was a technicality at this point.

As they trudged into the apartment, Peter took in the absent look on Bucky's face. Yeah, it was absolutely one of The Bad Days.

Bucky still had good days and bad days. Everyone had them, of course, he would probably never escape them entirely. His 'bad' just tended to be worse than the average person.

Their usual routine after getting back to Bucky's was to get some sort of drinks and snacks, maybe an easy meal, then go chill out on the couch. On the tougher days, they tended to sit closer together, drawing comfort from letting another person so close. Bucky especially seemed to benefit from not being left alone on days like this.

Peter knew he got clingy himself, but he had always fought it, fearing making himself seem younger or less capable than he was. He had closed off from Bucky for a while, until he noticed the moods that gripped Bucky were worse and lasted longer when Peter distanced himself. 

Once he figured out how much it helped Bucky, Peter stopped fighting it. At least with him. He allowed himself to be touchy and affectionate in a way he didn't think he could be with anyone else.

Bucky didn't usually respond in kind when it was a Bad Day. He let things happen, seeming unaffected by the little things Peter would do with him, but Peter knew the truth. 

He had told Peter while laying in bed one night, at the end of a really rough spell that lasted a couple of days, how much it helped. How it took everything in him to accept the kindness, but he knew how good Peter was and he trusted him, so if Peter thought he deserved such kind treatment, he would do his best to trust Peter's judgement. 

Tonight, however, nothing seemed to be able to breach Bucky's shell. He answered as briefly as possible, barely picked at his snacks, ignored his drink, and Peter couldn't even get him to make eye contact.

After several hours of failed attempts, he decided he needed to up his game.

Snuggling into Bucky and getting no response, (not that he had expected one yet) Peter nuzzled his nose into Bucky's throat, just under the line where his stubble from not shaving ended.

His arms were wrapped one around Bucky's waist and the other behind his back. He could almost hold his own hands around the man, if he weren't holding himself so stiffly, making the position awkward. Still, Peter would work with what he had.

Knowing all Bucky's little pleasure points was a serious advantage on his part. They had learned all those little things pretty early in their relationship, so, naturally, Peter had this part down to a science.

Nose running up along the vein in Bucky's neck, lips trailing after, tiny wet spots marked each small kiss he placed on the warm skin. When he reached Bucky's ear, he pressed a kiss behind it, then another one directly to the lobe.

He knew the neck and ear area were weak points for Bucky. One well placed bite to Peter's ear could bring him to his knees, so he had decided to try it on Bucky one day and had not been disappointed. Bucky was not into that same stinging pain that accompanied a bite to the ear, instead responding much better when Peter pulled the lobe between his lips and gave a hard suck…

Bucky's breathing had changed, Peter was happy to note. That meant he was having some effect, at least. He had been worried he would get no reaction from the man. That had happened before, not often, but once or twice. This boded well for his plan to draw the man out.

There was something powerful to having this kind of effect on Bucky. Peter swung himself fully into the larger man's lap. He didn't normally like to be reminded of his size, compared to his Avenger teammates especially, but it was different with Bucky. He liked to be smaller, to fit against him so snuggly, like they just matched.

He felt Bucky's hands track his movement to grab at his hips. Peter rarely got to this point before Bucky took charge in that gentle way he had, so this was something of a novelty to Peter. He had the power here and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it. All he knew was he wanted to make Bucky forget for a while.

As he sucked small bruises into Bucky's neck, uncaring they would fade within the hour, he formed a plan. When he reached Bucky's collarbone, right above his shirt collar, he switched sides to place more marks, more kisses to his skin. At his shirt, Peter paused and moved his hands from where they rested on Bucky's hip bones to slip up under the hem of his shirt. 

Peter's hands weren't cold, really, but they had nothing on a super soldier. The heat from Bucky's chest sent chills through Peter, just like every time he touched the man. Bucky shuddered at the contact and gripped Peter's hips tighter.

"Can I take this off?" Peter never took the lead with these things. Bucky was just so good at it, he never needed to. There was slight hesitation in his voice as he asked, like he was unsure if he was doing it right. 

Bucky grunted, but made no move to stop Peter or move him off his lap, so Peter took that as confirmation and worked the man's shirt up his torso. He took a moment to admire the view before stripping it off over the man's head, momentarily forcing the hands from his hips only for them to return to their spot immediately. Further proof the two were drawn together like magnets.

Dropping the shirt behind him, Peter eyed his handiwork. Several tiny bruises, but still lots of warm, smooth skin. His hair looked undisturbed, still in it's artfully disarrayed style. 

Peter absently wished his hair were that well behaved. 

The muscles were distracting as ever. Peter ran a finger along the abs, soaking in the warmth, enjoying how the muscles twitched under his touch.

When he got to the waistband of Bucky's pants, he stopped, sliding his fingers just underneath the button. Looking up at Bucky's face, trying to gauge from his expression how much this was helping.

The blank look was still there. Peter wondered how Bucky did this all the time. He was so good at reading what Peter was feeling or what he wanted just from the look on his face.

Then again, Peter was never good at hiding those kinds of things, whereas Bucky was a bit of a professional at it.

Trusting that Bucky would either get with the program soon or he would put a stop to things if he really wasn't feeling it, Peter decided to continue. Bucky always stressed to him that he needed to speak up if he wasn't feeling up to something, so logically Bucky would follow the same rules.

Practice what you preach. Right?

After not encountering any resistance, Peter grinned at Bucky and leaned back in towards his neck, fingers teasing at the sensitive spot hidden just below his jeans and underwear. He resumed nibbling on the neck in front of him, anywhere he could reach, while he undid the button of Bucky's jeans. 

The kisses got lower, following the ridge of his collarbone, then down to glide over his pecs, leaving bright red spots in his wake. Finally he reached the nipple and sank his teeth around the outside of it and sucked hard.

Bucky gasped, clutching at Peter's hips harder. He felt Bucky twitch under him, his efforts obviously starting to work. He was still a young male so he was pretty much always raring to go, and now was no exception.

Trailing his lips across to play with the other nipple, Peter let his hand sneak inside Bucky's underwear, following the trail of curls to his prize at the end. Instead of taking him in hand, he spent a few moments dragging his nails along the creases of Bucky's hips, knowing the sensation would drive Bucky wild.

And just like he knew it would, it earned a satisfying moan from those lips. Not having accomplished his mission quite yet, Peter kept moving further down, across rib bones, down his navel, nipping lightly at the man's belly button.

Bucky's entire body jerked under him and he smiled against the skin. Quickly, he moved to his knees in front of the couch, using his rarely-tapped-into super strength to maneuver Bucky out of his pants without asking for his cooperation.

Once the pants were around Bucky's ankles, Peter reached up to grip the exposed thighs. He could feel the muscles under the skin were tensed and ready to move. 

Good, Peter thought. He was getting somewhere then. The thought that he was accomplishing what he set out to do thrilled Peter. He was not one accustomed to working on something without seeing results.

Now he watched the results eagerly, Bucky's erection full and straining to get closer to Peter. They didn't do this often, but when they had, Peter found Bucky really enjoyed it. 

He also happened to really enjoy it. 

Nothing about it  _ should _ be enjoyable. The taste was meh at best, the texture was gross, the stretch to his jaw was uncomfortable, if not painful, and yet, he loved it. He couldn't wait until they got to a point where Bucky would just let him do all the things he so desperately wanted to do without stressing about making sure Peter was okay the whole time.

Maybe this could be the start of that. If Peter could just make sure Bucky saw how into it he was…

Glancing up to check on Bucky, to see if there was any noticeable change yet, Peter saw the clenched jaw and guessed he must be doing okay. Smirking, he ran his hands up closer to his target, sliding them back down again right as Bucky tensed in preparation for the touch.

He repeated the motion two more times before he decided that was enough torture for the both of them and that he really wanted to get on with the main show.

Leaning in, making sure to maintain eye contact with the man the entire time, Peter pressed a kiss to the skin just beside Bucky's cock. He felt his cheek brush against it, the hot length teasing him as much as he was teasing it. He felt it jerk at the contact as he pulled away again, only to repeat the action on the other side.

On his next pass, he bit into the tendon on the inside of Bucky's groin. He kept the pressure light, but it was a sensitive enough area, it was definitely felt.

After treating the other side to the same attention, he made it seem like he was going to repeat the action, only to stop perfectly lined up with the tip of Bucky's cock and drive it as far into his mouth as he could on the first go. 

He didn't make it very far because he wasn't accustomed to doing this yet, but it was enough of a shock to his partner that it didn't seem to matter. The thighs, still tensed under his hands, jerked at the sudden heat surrounding the tender skin. Bucky's metal hand twitched up and rested on Peter's shoulder, not doing more than reminding him who he was with.

As if he could forget.

Peter pulled back, keeping just the head in his mouth to suck on a bit and get ready to take more. He used one of his hands to drag his nails up the inside of Bucky's thigh, luxuriating in the shudder it brought with it, then got his hand under Bucky's sac. 

The heat was insane; it felt amazing. The temperature difference must have played on Bucky's senses as well because the hand on his shoulder gripped harder.

Harder than Bucky usually allowed for with Peter. His fingers were digging into the muscle of Peter's shoulder and it was just the right side of hurting. The thought that accompanied it was what excited him though.

Peter felt the pressure growing in his groin, going from half hard to fully aroused in a hot second when he felt the hand move from his shoulder to his head. Those fingers threaded in Peter's hair, hand heavy where it pressed against his skull.

He felt a thrill shoot up his spine at the thought of Bucky just grabbing and tugging on his hair,  _ making _ Peter stop teasing and get on with it.

Unable to hold out any longer, Peter lowered his mouth past the tip again, dragging up slowly, pulling hard, knowing the contrast to the gentle teasing would make it even better.

He used this tactic for a couple passes, dropping down, taking more each time, before pulling back up the shaft with varying amounts of suction. He was just getting ready to switch it up to something different, maybe a nice, light hint of his teeth on the next drag up, when the hand clenched.

It caught Peter off guard, so he panicked and drug his teeth along the under part of Bucky's cock, right along the vein. He caught a bit on that sensitive spot right under the head. The hand in his hair forced him to a stop, then abruptly shoved him down.

Peter didn't have time to register what was happening. He needed to breathe. He had been taking his time, leisurely enjoying giving his boyfriend a blowjob. Then, suddenly, he found himself with a mouthful of hot, hard flesh, not pulling out nearly enough for him to catch a break, while the hand worked him up and down by fractions, all done using his hair as reins.

He could feel his eyes watering, his throat being abused without having the chance to work his way up to it. His lungs seemed to contract uncomfortably, while his scalp prickled in the most delicious way.

The heat that traveled down his neck and into his spine at the sensation seemed to be building. The lack of oxygen, while not actually a threat to his survival, sent a shock of adrenaline coursing through him, settling directly in his groin.

As if Peter wasn't aroused enough, that's when Bucky started moving his hips up, forcing himself further into Peter's waiting mouth.

It must have only been a slight difference, but to Peter it felt huge. He was doing his best to hold on, but the effort of keeping his jaw that wide open was wearing him out quickly. He barely had any experience blowing Bucky, he was entirely unprepared for this.

Tears built up and eventually tracked down Peter's cheeks. Bucky brought his flesh hand up to touch Peter's face, forcing his jaw open further when it had tightened too much for his liking. Peter felt his hips stutter in their brutal but steady pace. He heard the catch in Bucky's breath and waited for him to finish.

What he was not expecting was for the hand in his hair to yank him up off of the other man without any warning. This was so different from the way Bucky usually was with Peter. After blinking a couple of times to clear the tears from his vision, he saw why.

The look on Bucky's face was entirely blank.

Peter was wrong. This was not the usual after mission rut that Bucky sometimes fell into. Peter had only seen this look one other time.

Bucky had been fully healed from his conditioning or brain washing or whatever you wanted to call it for a good long while now. But he still had spells of backsliding in his recovery. 

There had never been a reappearance of The Soldier, thank goodness. More or less, the man just seemed to lose his grip on the reality of who he was.

Peter was still unsure how he managed to find his way back to himself that one other time. The other Avengers had ushered Peter away from the man, uncertainty over what was happening forcing his teammates to take preventative measures.

And in crisis situations, people tended to forget Peter was a superpowered youngster, only remembering the youngster part. If they had remembered how useful he could be, maybe he could be more help now. Maybe things wouldn't have even gotten to this point in the first place, if he had known how to recognize the signs.

While Peter was internally freaking out, mind racing over what his next move should be, Bucky was already making his.

Maneuvering Peter into a straddling position, one leg on either side of Bucky's thighs, was something he did frequently. Not normally dragging Peter from on his knees in front of the man, but still familiar enough. 

What wasn't familiar was the rough touch he was using.

No, not rough. Just… uncaring. Like Peter was just something to play with, not a human being that Bucky actually cared for a great deal.

The hand in his hair hadn't loosened its grip. The spot the fingers were curled into was a constant point of heat, his scalp burning just beyond what Peter thought he would enjoy.

Or maybe it was the same pressure as it had been, but seeing the blank expression on Bucky's face had been a splash of cold water, not quite extinguishing, but definitely dulling his arousal for the time being.

Bucky was having no issues continuing what he was doing. The feeling teeth dragging along the side of his neck, finding a place to sink into, wasn't letting Peter's arousal die down completely. When he felt the bite and the pull that came after it, Peter couldn't help the cry that escaped his mouth.

Bucky didn't give any outward reaction. Peter didn't know how this was going to end, but he knew it would be in a less than ideal way.

He was happy to continue letting things play their course. In fact, he was getting all the things he had been hoping to get when he had started out on this whole thing. 

He did, however, know that his boyfriend was a sensitive soul who would never forgive himself for hurting Peter, for doing things with him when he had anything less than perfect control over himself. Which again, completely disregarded the fact that Peter could at least hold his own against the man, if not beat him, if it came to a fight.

As Bucky bit and marked up Peter's neck, he felt fingers reach the button on his jeans. It popped open with no pause, Bucky too fixated on getting to what he wanted to hesitate. 

Those fingers shoved into his pants, into his underwear, wrapping around Peter, rough and efficient, working him up in a way that even Peter couldn't accomplish for himself.

He felt the tightening in his gut, the guilt mixing with the arousal creating such a strange sensation. He couldn't help the slight pulsing of his hips, pumping himself into Bucky's hand. His sudden lack of control over the situation made him flush with shame.

Eventually, he found his voice. It was difficult to speak, almost like there was something physical stopping him. He worried that anything he said could make this even worse.

"Bucky." There was no recognition in the man's eyes. Swallowing a moan at the tightening of the hand around his cock, he tried again. "Bucky, can we talk for a second?" 

There was still no outward sign that Bucky heard what was happening. Peter steeled himself against the body under him and did his best to gently push back, even though he desperately didn't want to.

"Bucky, I think we should stop." 

The physical movement seemed to register with the man finally, but he still made no move to listen. "Listen, you've gotta believe me, I don't want to either. But, oh-" Peter was cut off by the fist around him squeezing harshly at the base of his cock and dragging up again to flick at the head. He took a second to blink the conversation back into focus.

"I don't wanna stop either, but this isn't right. I was wrong, you're not in the right mind for this to be okay, you're not really here. I thought it was just like normal after a bad mission, but this isn't normal and if we keep going, then I'm not getting consent from you and that's not okay."

Peter finished his speech in a rush, trying to get the words out even as the hand steadily working him up continued. He groaned in frustration. What was his life, where he could be getting everything he wanted and then have to be the one to stop it because his partner, who was fully participating, was essentially under the influence? Of his own mind, at that.

Parker luck, that's what this was.

He carefully extricated himself from the man's arms. It wasn't difficult; even though Bucky was being controlling and tried to keep him where he apparently wanted him, it's like the man really wasn't conscious of what was happening. There was almost no resistance besides a slight clenching of the hand around Peter's bicep.

When Peter was sitting next to Bucky, he took a moment to compose himself again. That had gone unexpectedly, to say the least. He wasn't sure where to go from there.

He looked over at the man beside him. The look in his eyes was intense. His gaze tracked Peter while barely moving his head. Peter felt almost vulnerable under that gaze, like Bucky was a predator and Peter, his prey.

That analogy was definitely not helping with his arousal, though. In any other circumstances, Peter decided he would be very interested in this kind of scenario. 

Something to keep in mind for a later date. 

… provided they made it through this unscathed. Peter had his doubts.

"You would never forgive yourself if we kept going like this. And you might never forgive me for letting it continue. And then I would never forgive myself for it either. And that's just a lot of never forgiving that I would rather avoid, if it's all the same to you."

When he broke the silence, Bucky still hadn't moved from his position. His muscles were still tensed exactly the way they had been when Peter was in his lap. There was a pause for all of three long seconds before Bucky moved.

In the swiftest movement Peter had ever seen from the man, he had been scooped up from where he was seated, and dropped back down on the couch, bouncing a bit as his back made contact with the not quite plush enough cushion. 

Before Peter had time to react, or even catch his breath as it had been bounced out of him, the full weight of Bucky's body was keeping him pressed there. 

Peter hadn't bothered to do up his jeans again, so they were both still exposed, and boy was Bucky making use of it. As soon as he got them into the position he wanted, he started up a rough grind, hips circling down into Peter in a way that quickly had him losing his mind as well.

Fuck, he had to be the one in control here. Even though Bucky obviously was trying to run things, Peter had to be the responsible one. But, damn was it hard to do when every single brain cell was focused on how good it felt for Bucky to be using him in this slightly unhinged manner.

Bucky was releasing little puffs of air right next to Peter's ear. That wasn't helping Peter maintain his higher brain function either.

Pinned to the couch like he was, it was difficult to put up a fight. Yes, he could easily throw the man off if it came down to it. But who knew what that would trigger. If he was already in this kind of mind frame, anything he perceived as hostile would just escalate the situation.

Peter tried pushing him up and off gently. Bucky reacted to the pressure by rising just enough to flip Peter over.

Oh, wow, that had not been what Peter had in mind. But he couldn't deny, it was much better for what Bucky seemed to have planned.

Now on his knees, Bucky had the access he needed to pull Peter's pants down and he wasted no time doing exactly that. Peter felt the scrape of denim shoved roughly down his thighs. His underwear came down in the same motion, so he was left bare to the room. The air was chilly compared to the heat of the body behind him and he shivered at the contrast.

Once he was satisfied he had access to everything he needed, Bucky reached a hand around the front of Peter again. He gathered the precome brought on by the two of them rubbing together and brought them back to find Peter's hole. This finally brought Peter's brain back online for a few seconds.

"Hey, Buck. I don't really think this is a good idea. This isn't really how it's supposed to work, you know. Remember the whole 'never forgiving' thing I said a minute ago? Yeah, that's definitely still a thing. Like, I am obviously into it, so when you snap out of this, don't think you're doing anything I don't want, but I don't think you want it this way and I-,"

Peter cut off with a dramatic gasp in as a finger was shoved roughly into his hole. He was a little embarrassed that he reacted as much as he did. This was hardly new to him, they had done this plenty.

The difference was, there was no easing into it this time. This was one finger, straight in, and no lube to speak of to ease the slide. It was nothing, stretch wise, and there was no real pain with it. 

But it was sudden and unexpected, as he had grown used to Bucky's endless patience when it came to prepping him. Even beyond the scope of what Peter felt was necessary, often trailing off into what he would call torture.

This was all new to Peter. He couldn't say he didn't like it so far. There was something very exciting about it.

He was getting ready to say so, remind Bucky that while this was great, they should really wait until both parties were fully conscious of the choices being made (since he was sure Bucky wasn't  _ actually making choices _ at this point, more acting on instinct), but Bucky chose that moment to add another finger.

Now there was a stretch. Peter's fingers were relatively slim, so even though he could usually from one to two right away, this was different. Bucky had much thicker fingers, but, wow, was it a better feeling.

Wait, no. No, he shouldn't be enjoying this right now. Fuck, this was really wrong, to be enjoying his freaking boyfriend being this out of control. 

"Bucky." Peter cleared his throat when it came out too high and breathy. "Bucky. James. Come on. You know we shouldn't be doing this right now. You've gotta know. You're in there somewhere, I know- ah! Fuck!"

Peter was forced to stop rambling, his attempt at getting his point across failing at the sudden, harsh stimulation to his prostate. Before he could start it up again, there was a third finger added to the mix and his brain needed a fucking break from the pressure of being responsible, especially when he wanted nothing more than to let things continue.

He felt a little bit hazy, the way he did sometimes when Bucky really got going and wouldn't let up on him. They had experimented with some of the Dominant/submissive stuff before, never going very far because of a mutual concern for losing control over their respective strengths.

This was like those times, but with much less effort on either of their parts. Huh. Peter made sure to tuck that information away in a place his non-hazy brain would be able to find later.

But the haze settling over his mind was making it really impossible to do the right thing! He knew he needed to stop Bucky, but his brain wasn't letting him try to figure out how.

Several brushes to his prostate in a row had him moaning his frustration into the crook of his elbow. The heat of Bucky at his back combined with the heat from how turned on he was should be making him uncomfortable, but instead it was all reflecting back on itself and making everything that much more intense. 

He did his best not to work his hips back further onto the fingers inside him, but he had about as much control over himself at the moment as Bucky did. Especially when Bucky leaned in and bit him on the neck, sucking hard. Peter damn near lost it at the added sensation.

Bucky removed his hand and Peter was left trying to force his way back for more, frustrated groan leaving his lips when there was nothing there. The hand came back around to grip at Peter's cock, dripping still more precome, pumping at it once, twice, three times before releasing him again.

Peter used the lack of contact as a chance to breathe, not sure what was coming or how to put it off without throwing Bucky into fight or flight mode. Neither option had a good outcome. 

Peter knew at this point he was just a bit too messed up to be any good in a fight, especially against Bucky. As far gone as he was already, he wasn't even sure getting slammed into a wall sounded like a bad thing.

With his luck, it would just serve to turn him on further.

Just as the thought entered his mind and he realized, yes, that actually sounded exactly like what would happen, he heard Bucky spit into his hand, then felt him line himself up and sink all the way inside in one smooth press.

Peter's head dropped onto the cushion, his mouth hanging open. He couldn't breathe from the intensity, his heart pounded and his head spun. It hurt, all burning stretch and deep ache from the lack of prep, not to mention not having any time to adjust.

And he didn't have  _ any  _ time to adjust. Because as soon as Bucky stopped moving forward, having bottomed out, he started pulling back out again.

At least he was going slowly, keeping his movements smooth. Peter was sure he would've died instantly if he'd jumped immediately into the rhythm he had set for them when Peter was on his back still.

After a few moments of just laying there, letting his head loll against the couch with his mouth hanging open, probably drooling onto the cushion, he felt the drive of Bucky's hips start to speed up. With the speed came the end of the smooth, even movements in and out of Peter. This new rhythm was harsh, hard and deep, hitting his prostate directly at random intervals, but brushing it regularly.

Peter's hand clutched at the arm of the couch above his head, his other arm shoved between the seat and the back cushions, and gripped the fabric so hard his fingers hurt. He had no control over the sounds coming from his mouth, the drawn out shout from when the real fucking started, broken only by Bucky forcing his way back inside as deep as he could go.

Unable to help himself, he pushed back against the man behind him, needing more, or maybe less. He wasn't sure anymore. 

Bucky reacted to Peter's movement by practically crushing Peter's hip bone in one hand and grabbing Peter by the neck with his other. 

His metal hand.

He used that grip to drag Peter up, his back slamming back into Bucky's chest. He felt his spine pop in a way that he couldn't tell if it was good or not. 

The grip around his throat was tight, the metal not nearly as cold as it probably should be. Peter was absolutely going to have bruises from this interaction. Not something he had a problem with, but Bucky on the other hand…

Shit. Suddenly it clicked that he was supposed to be getting Bucky to either stop or snap back to himself. Peter was heaving breaths in by this point; he wasn't sure he could get more than a couple words out.

He tried anyway. "Bucky. Buck, please. You're gon- gonna, fuck. If you don't stop, it'll hau- ah! It'll haunt you forever. Oh, fuck."

The hand around his throat started cutting into his breathing. His air supply had already been hindered by the pressure of being held up by the neck, but this felt intentional. Like Bucky was trying to choke him, actually choke him, by cutting off the oxygen to his brain.

He was just starting to get dizzy from it. Which, in conjunction with his already hazy brain from the frankly stellar fucking he was receiving, didn't leave him with much mental acuity. He let it continue for another moment, trying to focus on planning. A plan, any plan. He needed to figure something out, needed to protect Bucky from this fun house mirror nightmare of a BDSM scene.

Peter's vision was going blurry. He was losing focus on what was happening, the reason he needed this to stop. He felt good. He didn't want it to stop. This was exactly what he wanted. 

What he craved.

With a detached thought, he realised he was about to lose consciousness. That jarred him just enough to reach a hand up to clutch at the metal that seemed to be trying to wring the life from him. Suddenly his mind snapped to another time, a different metal hand, much larger, much more menacing.

Fear took over quickly, draining enough of his arousal to remind him, even through the steadily increasing lightheadedness, that this wasn't okay.

"Red." His voice was barely a croak, so he tried again. "Red. Stop. Bucky, red."

He was grasping at straws at this point, knowing that nothing had succeeded in drawing out his Bucky so far. He felt silly, trying something so small when even personal appeals hadn't done anything. He let himself sag in the man's grip and decided this was just how it was going to be, relationship-ending guilt from both parties and all.

The next thing he knew he was face first in the cushions again. But this time there was no heat pressed against his back, no hand holding his hip, no perfect cock splitting him open.

He was still sweating, so he was pretty sure he hadn't actually lost consciousness. If he had, it could only have been for a few seconds. Regaining control over his limbs took a moment, but eventually he managed.

He sat up slowly and looked behind him. 

The man he was looking for was sitting in the far corner of the couch. He had pressed himself as tightly into the corner as physically possible, arms spread with one out over the back of the couch, the other over the arm of the couch, anchoring him away from Peter. 

One of his knees was pressed to his chest which was heaving in breaths like he had just run several marathons, the other leg dangling over the couch onto the floor. His clothes were still exactly as they had been when he was fucking Peter, jeans open, erection still on display.

His face though. He had horror written on every inch of his expression. There was fear in his eyes that Peter recognized. It was the terrifying realization that you had been responsible for the pain of someone you loved. His jaw was hanging open in disgusted disbelief. He was paler than Peter had ever seen him.

Oh, no. This is what Peter had been dreading. Maybe he had been wrong to try to stop him, maybe he should have just let it happen and then pretended it hadn't to avoid this conversation. Maybe he-

No. 

He cut himself off. Someone had to not be spiraling into the darkness of self loathing and self doubt. This time it absolutely had to be him.

Peter let out a sigh and straightened himself to sit on the couch correctly. He grabbed for a pillow to cover himself, not wanting to deal with resituating at the moment. He kept his head down a bit, uncertainty showing in his posture, he knew. He angled his neck so he could see Bucky out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, there." His voice was very scratchy so he cleared his throat and started again. "Sorry about that. Bit of a rude awakening, huh?"

The attempt at a joke fell short. Well, he could admit he hadn't had high hopes for that one to begin with.

"Okay, look. Before you freak out on yourself, you should probably freak out on me instead."

Bucky snapped his jaw shut but gave no other reaction. His face was starting to shutter slightly, little bits of blankness seeping in to take over the panic. Not the same kind as before, when it was the inability to show any kind of emotion. This was more like refusal to show any. 

Peter made himself plow on. "Because I started this. I know that sometimes the… intimate stuff… draws you back out on your bad days and I really was just trying to help, and then I thought that maybe if you saw that I was willing to do that kind of stuff, that I want to do that kind of stuff even, that maybe you wouldn't think I was so fragile and breakable and restrain yourself so much when we do it."

Bucky's forehead creased, his brows furrowing like he was confused. Or like he was trying to put things together. Maybe he remembered it happening and he was trying to piece what he remembered in with what he was being told to try and figure out what was real. 

Or who was to blame.

Peter rushed on, needing to say his part before any protests came his way. Not that any seemed forthcoming, as Bucky had yet to find his voice, but his insides were still clenched nervously waiting for it to happen. The least he could do was to get it all out in the open.

"I didn't realize it was that bad until after I started, and then by the time I realized, there wasn't an easy way to stop it cause I didn't know if you would try to fight me since you didn't seem to really know me at all and, let's face it, I could totally beat you, but by then I had already sucked your dick so you had some kind of weird, sexy power over me that I'm pretty sure made me  _ want _ you to smash me into a wall, which would've thrown a tiny wrench into my plans to stop you, cause then I would just want you to keep going and then I just wanted you to keep going anyway cause you weren't being so careful with me like you always do, which, sometimes it's great. Well, no, all the time it's great, it's never not been great, but sometimes I just kinda want you to throw me into a wall. For like, sexy purposes, not fighting purposes, of course. And you were doing it. Only it wasn't  _ you  _ you, and it felt wrong then, cause that's not fair cause  _ consent _ and everything and then I knew you wouldn't forgive yourself for thinking you 'hurt' me or you wouldn't forgive me for  _ letting _ you 'hurt' me and I just… yeah."

He was out of breath by the time he stopped. Bucky was staring at him with his mouth wide open. He hadn't shrunken any further away from Peter, nor had he actually run away. Which was impressive considering the rambling, stream of consciousness explanation/argument he had just provided.

Bracing himself, he jumped in again before he lost the rest of his nerve.

"I just didn't want this to mess up our relationship and then, because I tried to not mess it up, I think I made it worse." Peter tried to smile at the end, finally turning to face Bucky fully now that he had exhausted his end of the conversation. He felt the smile fail on his face though, weak and pleading for forgiveness in a way he hadn't experienced in years.

Peter waited, insecurity growing the more time that passed with no words from the other man. Finally, he felt the man move beside him.

It was stiff, the movements stunted by the effort to maintain space between them. When he settled, he was also facing forward, awkwardly angled with just his head turned toward Peter.

It was better than Peter had hoped for.

He cleared his throat and took in a breath to speak, then shook his head and looked around the couch. He reached down and picked up another pillow, this one from the floor, and tucked it into his lap, hugging it to himself casually, but in a way that reminded Peter of a young child with a comfort item like a stuffed animal. With that settled, he cleared his throat again and spoke.

"So, you- what you just said was- that you  _ wanted _ that?"

Holy shit, Peter hadn't expected  _ that _ to be the part Bucky caught. Yeah, it was the  _ main _ part he was trying to focus on, but usually Bucky would be too stuck on his guilt over things to catch anything else. Not in a mopey way, but in the 'taking responsibility for what he felt he was responsible for' kinda way.

Nodding eagerly, Peter pushed his luck by saying, "I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make you stop. I knew I should, but I just… I didn't want to…"

His cheeks turned red at the confession, and he had to break the tentative eye contact they had established.

By the time he got up the nerve to look back at Bucky, the man was still nodding slowly, lips pursed.

Inspecting Bucky's face closely, he decided to risk it. "We could keep going, you know. If you want."

Bucky looked at him, alarmed, so he backpedaled quickly. "I mean, we probably shouldn't, obviously. You're having a rough day, and we have like, massive amounts of talking to do to deal with this, for sure, but-"

"You really wanted to keep going?" Bucky cut off his backtracking midstream, thankfully.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. It was crazy how easy I just fell into it. Like how you said it's supposed to be when we do the like, submission stuff? But I didn't have to try. And you didn't have to either. I mean, you didn't even know what was going on, really."

Shit.

Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and hung his head. That was NOT what he should've said. Sure, just bring up the overall rapey-ness of that entire experience right after it happened, right when you're trying to finish it. Sure, that'll help. Way to go, Parker…

To his utter shock, Bucky burst out laughing. It wasn't entirely carefree. There was some tension to it, and it did come across as slightly manic, but it was laughter and it sounded like  _ Bucky _ . That surprised Peter the most.

"So, what you're saying is, you were somehow so desperate to have me absolutely rail you, that you were willing to just let me go to town on you without having an ounce of conscious control behind it?" He sounded disbelieving when he said it, a little bit of amazement creeping into his tone that had Peter turning red again, for slightly different reasons than before.

He nodded, looking away from Bucky. He was glad this wasn't going too badly, but he was still awkward as hell, and he still wasn't sure how to handle this conversation. He heard as well as felt Bucky shake his head, still chuckling. 

"And you thought that would be better than talking to me and asking for it? Or you just thought it would be easier?"

Peter shook his head, small but quick. "No, that wasn't the actual plan. I mean, it was the plan, but when I thought you were just having one of your regular Bad Days. Not like, a  _ Really _ Bad Day." Peter finished his attempt at clarification and realized how poorly it was going. That didn't clear anything up. "It was just going to be a bonus if that was how it happened. Cause I would get you back to you, and I wouldn't have to ask you to… you know."

"I know? Do I know?" He had just the slightest hint of teasing in his words and Peter shot him a look. Had he really just pulled out of what was essentially a complete mental break that quickly and easily?

"Yeah, you do. You said it like, two seconds ago." Peter rolled his eyes. He wasn't about to fall into that trap. Bucky wanted him to say it, either to embarrass him or to tell him how cute it was when he tried talking dirty and, in doing so, embarrass him, but the long way around.

"Okay. But what I'm hearing is that you were horny, so you decided to mess with an emotionally vacant super soldier and basically risk your life to get a good fucking." Peter's cheeks hadn't had nearly enough time to cool down from the last flush when the next one came. And with it came a renewed spike of arousal.

"I wasn't risking anything, as far as I knew. I've never seen that kind of reaction from you. I didn't know!" Peter was getting a little defensive now, and he knew he shouldn't, but he felt like he was justified, damnit!

Bucky sat still for a good minute, thinking hard about something. Eventually, he looked over at Peter, considering. "What made you actually stop me?" 

Peter was caught off guard by the question. Huh. He had admitted to not wanting to stop. What  _ had _ jump started his brain enough to make him slam on the brakes again?

Scrunching up his face in concentration, he thought back to those last few seconds, how much he didn't want to stop, the electricity shooting out from each point of contact he had with Bucky, his cock pressing deep inside, his flesh hand gripping one hipbone, the metal fingers wrapped around his throat, cutting off his air supply, the fuzzy heaviness of his brain as consciousness started to slip away…

"You were choking me," he realized. "Your hand was around my neck, and you were squeezing, and I couldn't breathe."

He looked up at Bucky. The look on his face had guilt and hesitancy, both plain as day, etched into the beautiful bone structure. 

Peter swallowed. This might be where it got messy. "It wasn't you. I knew you wouldn't hurt me. It just reminded me of- something else."

They both had things they didn't like to talk about. Judging by the look Bucky gave him, he had understood that was one of his. "I'm sorry, Pete. It won't happen again." He attempted what Peter assumed was supposed to be a reassuring smile. "Why didn't you tell me that was a trigger for you?"

"No! It isn't, really. It was just, because it was a little too much. At the beginning it was fine, just the right pressure to make things a little out of focus and like, soft around the edges, you know?" Peter stopped himself when he noticed how that sounded. Was he really trying to convince Bucky that he could choke him again sometime, consensually?

Bucky must have noticed about the same time as Peter. He got that thoughtful look on his face again and questioned, "Is that one of the things you wanted me to know you were okay with?"

He seemed a bit dubious, which was fair, given that Peter had just admitted to it being the thing that snapped him from his haze of arousal and finally gotten Bucky to stop. Speaking of which…

"What actually made you stop? I'm glad you did, but what happened that brought you back? Cause I had been trying for a while, and nothing seemed to work." Maybe he had lost consciousness for longer than he thought and the lack of responsiveness had alerted something in Bucky, had-

"You said 'red.'"

And that was definitely not what Peter had expected.

"What? What do you mean?"

Bucky was frowning, like trying to explain it was making him actually figure out the reasoning himself. "I don't know. I remember flashes of it, like I was there but really dissociated, but then all of a sudden I heard you say 'red' and I had to figure out what I was doing to make you say that? Cause I really didn't know what I was doing, but if you needed me to stop, then it must've been bad, right? And then when I realized…"

Peter knew what he had come back to. He had been barely conscious, by Bucky's own hand, split open on his cock, probably marked to hell at that point, though most of those marks had probably at least started to fade already. 

"I taught you that, taught you that 'red' puts an end to it all when you need it to end. And I was scared you'd never actually learn to use it if you needed to. And then… you did. I couldn't keep going. I couldn't… I don't know, betray your trust like that, I guess? Not when you've been here through all of this," he gestured vaguely at their current situation like that explained it. "You were trusting me to stop, so I had to."

Oh, man. If Peter hadn't been sure he loved this man before, he was definitely sure now. He almost felt like crying at how sweet and sappy the answer was. Perfect, but in such a simple way. Just like their relationship had always been.

Peter placed the pillow in his lap on the floor then stood up, slowly removing Bucky's pillow from his grip and setting it aside as well. He crawled into the man's lap, wrapping his arms around Bucky's neck and kissed him, slowly at first, then with every bit of feeling he had experienced in the last hour.

When they were both breathless, Peter pulled away. "So does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Sweetheart, I don't think you were the one that needed forgiving." Bucky nudged his forehead into Peter's and nipped at his lips again, using a hand to angle Peter's face to try and kiss him deeper. 

"No, none of that." Peter pulled back, just out of kissing range. "If I don't blame myself, and you don't blame me either, and  _ I _ don't blame  _ you _ , then you  _ certainly _ don't get to blame you." The convoluted sentence did the trick; Bucky chuckled again, chasing away the darkening mood Peter had seen coming a mile out.

"Okay. Deal. We'll call it a wash." Bucky nuzzled into Peter's neck, hot breath playing on his skin, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

"Good." Peter squinted at Bucky when he pulled away. "Sooooo, does that mean you'll 'rail me' now? If I ask first?"

That made Bucky laugh even harder. "Sure, kid." Then he got a glint in his eye that Peter knew meant mischief, one way or another. "But only if you ask reeeeeeal nice."

Peter leaned in again to kiss him, needing it. Needing him. He had been scared. Not  _ of _ Bucky, but  _ for _ Bucky, for their relationship, for all his progress and healing. The relief that he hadn't ruined it all was a powerful aphrodisiac.

Or maybe that was the still present arousal from being fucked so thoroughly and not allowed any release. He could feel Bucky under him, still hard (hard again?). It was hard to tell which was more powerful.

Without thinking, Peter's hips had started rocking again, feeling the glide of Bucky, hot against his hole again, waning erection quickly coming back full force. When Bucky's head caught on his hole, Peter gasped into their kiss.

Bucky pulled away, still looking conflicted somehow. That just wouldn't do. Leaning in, Peter nibbled at his neck for a moment, feeling Bucky rock against him once or twice as he reached the more sensitive areas with his teeth and tongue. Finally arriving at his ear, Peter nipped just harshly enough for it to sting for a moment, before asking, "Will you rail me now? Please, Buck, I need it so bad." He punctuated the words 'please' and 'bad' with a hard stroke forward. "Need  _ you _ , so bad. Please, Bucky."

Pulling back and giving his best pouty-without-openly pouting face, he watched Bucky break. He had been just as worked up as Peter, and his relief had been cut off even more rudely than Peter's had been. He nodded, then without warning, Peter was maneuvered under him, a good portion of Bucky's weight resting on him.

Peter's breath came out in a huff, the move unexpected but not unwelcome. Bucky chuckled. "'Rail you,' huh? You want it fast and hard, is that it, sweetheart?"

As he asked, his hand found its way to Peter's cock, stroking him exactly that, fast and hard. It was oddly efficient, Peter thought as he moaned, almost like how he handles himself. Within moments he was dripping again. 

Bucky must have had some experience with this kind of thing because, again, he collected the drips and used them to coat Peter's hole, stroking in first with one finger, then quickly adding a second.

Once he was certain Peter hadn't been hurt the first time, he removed his fingers and went back to kissing Peter, hand stroking both erections this time, drizzling a little bit of lube (from a bottle he dug out of the end table, the bastard) on his cock in the process. He spent some extra time biting along Peter's neck and collarbone, knowing all of Peter's weaknesses. 

Peter was crying out, gasps and whines out of his control, wanting more, demanding more.

"Oh, sweetheart. I don't think you remember our deal. What did I say you had to do for me to rail you?"

Peter squeaked as three fingers were suddenly stuffed in his hole again, jamming directly into his prostate with alarming accuracy. 

"Ask nice! I had to ah!- ask nice, and I did! I asked and it was nice, it was nnnn-nice!" Peter protested to the best of his ability.

"You did. Very nicely done. But now you're sounding pretty demanding, sweetheart. And that isn't very nice, now is it?"

Bucky had a frown on his face, but his eyes betrayed his mirth at teasing Peter this way. This he was familiar with. But there was a new depth to it that Peter was eager to explore.

"No! No, I'm so- sorry. I'm sorry, Bucky. Please, fuck me. Please, I need you to fuck me, hard. Please!"

Peter barely had the willpower to stop the 'now' he wanted to add to the end of the sentence, but in the end it was unnecessary.

As soon as he finished speaking, Bucky was balls deep inside him. Peter let out a shout, practically done for already. 

Bucky waited for a moment before moving, longer than he had been given before, but still barely any time at all. Then Bucky was pulling out and rocking back in, not fast yet, but deep and hard, Peter's body jerking with each powerful thrust.

"Is this it? Is this what you wanted? You wanted me to fuck you without any restraint? Not worry about breaking you, not worry about hurting you, or marking you, or whether you can walk tomorrow?" Peter nodded frantically, anything to make sure this didn't stop. "Now, what were the words you said? How you wanted me to fuck you?"

"Fa- fast and har- hard! Please! Bucky!" Peter was practically screaming by that point, control over his vocal chords long since relinquished.

"You asked for it, kid." And then he wasn't holding back at all. If Peter thought he was getting what he wanted before, he was wrong. That was nothing compared to what came next.

Bucky drew out and on the next thrust, he let it all loose. His hips pistoned in and out, rocking Peter into the cushions hard enough that, if he weren't Spider-Man, he was sure he would have fabric burns from it. Bucky's hip bones slapped against his pelvis, the frantic movements leaving Peter behind completely. All he could do was lay there and take it.

Just the way he wanted.

It was hot and hard and fast and that was all Peter could focus on. Moans spilling from his lips, he knew he wasn't going to last. He raised his hand to clutch onto Bucky's shoulder, trying to let him know.

The message must have come across somehow, or maybe Bucky just knew him, because he asked, "That it, sweetheart? Too much for you already? That's okay, the sooner we get the first one done, the sooner we can try it all over again."

Those words were Peter's undoing, just imagining doing this again and again with Bucky. His eyes rolled back and he arched and came all over both their stomachs and chests from how closely they were pressed together.

"Oh, you really did want it, huh, Pete? Must have been desperate for it for a while if it's over that quick. Boy, and it's a good thing though, cause I've wanted nothing more than to just own this ass for months. Didn't want to hurt you, but you must like a little hurt, is that right, kid?"

Peter whined, sensitive from his orgasm and those words were doing their best to work him up again. But an orgasm that intense and even Peter needed a minute.

"Don't worry, you're so tight, so pretty and, oh shit, those sounds. Keep making those forever, honey. Better than any fucking music. Fuck!"

Bucky was starting to lose his rhythm, hips stuttering, slowing, the deep thrusts turning shallow and rapid. Finally he let out a hoarse cry, right next to Peter's ear, sending shivers down his spine as he felt the twitch of Bucky's release inside him.

Bucky collapsed onto Peter for a few moments, seeming unaware that he had just dropped entirely dead weight onto the smaller body. Peter didn't mind in the slightest, the weight almost comforting on top of him.

When he finally moved, he flopped to the side with a laugh, tired and dragging Peter along with him to curl into his side.

"Well?" He asked after a minute of just laying there, getting their breathing back to normal. "Was that what you were after?"

Peter laughed a little too, because yes, it absolutely was, but not even close to the way he wanted it to happen. The thought of how the whole evening had gone down was almost laughable.

They were still partially dressed and that just added to the ridiculousness. They needed to clean up; the mess would no longer be fun in less than five minutes. But Peter wasn't quite done. And Bucky didn't seem to mind too much himself.

"Any feedback I need to hear? Since apparently we're taking requests now?" Bucky had a smile in his voice that Peter was still so relieved to hear, even after everything. He had been so worried and for once, he really had gotten lucky.

"Well, there was one thing…" Peter hedged for a moment. Bucky flipped to serious immediately, concern easily readable in the tension that returned to his body. "What happened to the choking thing? I thought we talked about that."

Bucky scoffed and playfully rolled Peter off the couch, landing on the fortunately placed pillows. 

Peter sat up, rubbing at his tailbone, and asked, "What? Too soon?"

The answer of a pillow in the face worked well enough for Peter. That was his Bucky, fully returned to him. Neither smile could have been any brighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Dubcon bit is that Bucky is not in his right mind (not quite Winter Soldier but definitely not Bucky either) and Peter doesn't realize until Bucky is already kinda taking over. Everything that happens Peter is okay with until something triggers him and he basically safewords out, unintentionally bringing Bucky back to himself. They then talk a bit and, after avoiding panic, have actual consensual sex, yay!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Hopefully it wasn't too bad. I spent way too long editing cause I am very distractible. Let me know what you think with kudos, comments, constructive criticisms please and thank you!!!


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